Why “Assholes” Get Women —
And You Keep Getting Ghosted

Let’s cut the fake moral math.

The “asshole” isn’t winning because he’s some evil wizard. He’s winning because he’s not doing the stuff you’re doing that kills your chances.

You’re trying to be liked. He’s trying to get a yes.
You’re trying to earn it. He’s checking if it’s there.

That’s the difference.

And yeah — this works best on a certain type of woman. Not all. If you’re using this as an excuse to chase someone who treats you like a backup plan, you’re already cooked.

Here’s what’s actually going on.
1) Assholes don’t add feelings to the process

Most guys get one good date and start acting like they’re in a relationship.

They start over-texting, fishing for reassurance, and over-explaining. They keep “checking in” like it’s their job, and they play it so safe it reads like they’re asking for permission to exist.

The guy you call an asshole keeps it simple: does she respond or not? If she responds, he continues. If she doesn’t, he stops.

He’s not building a fantasy off a smile and a flirt. He’s watching what works with the kind of woman who’s in front of him, and he’s not offended when it doesn’t.

Your fix: stop treating early dating like emotional investment. Treat it like sorting.
2) “Bad guys” have a playbook

You know why it looks easy for them? Because they’re not winging it.

They have defaults: how they text, how they set plans, what they do after a good date, what they do when she goes cold, when they stop trying.

Meanwhile you’re reinventing the wheel every time, then sending a paragraph when you get nervous.

The playbook isn’t magic. It’s repetition. It’s not getting dramatic. It’s knowing what you do next without asking your group chat.

Your fix: pick a simple structure and run it every time. One plan. One date. Follow up once. If it stays vague, you’re out.
3) Narcissists don’t chase unavailable women. They leave fast.

A lot of “good guys” spend months chasing women who are half-in, half-out, “busy,” “confused,” “going through a lot,” or just not that into them.

You call it patience. She calls it convenient.

Narcissists don’t do that. If they don’t get what they want, they bounce. They don’t hang around hoping consistency appears.

I’m not telling you to be a narcissist. I’m telling you to steal the only useful move: exit speed.

Your fix: if she’s not consistent, not available, not meeting you halfway, stop trying to “win.” Walk.

4) Assholes trigger pursuit because they’re blunt

Most guys hide what they want because they’re scared it’ll cost them.
So they play this soft, vague, “whatever you want” game and hope she chooses them for being easy.

The asshole doesn’t do that.

He’ll say what he wants, make a plan, and be clear about what he’s doing and what he’s not doing. He doesn’t dress it up to sound nicer.

For some women, that bluntness pulls more effort out of them. Not because being treated badly is the goal — because it forces a decision. Show up or don’t.

You don’t get points for being vague. You get ignored.

Your fix: be direct early. Not intense. Direct.

  • “I’m free Tuesday or Thursday. Pick one.”
  • “I’m into you. I’m not doing this half-way thing.”
  • “Cool. If you want to see me, let me know.”
Then stop talking and let her respond.
5) They feel no shame — and shame is keeping you weak

Shame is the leash.

Shame is what makes you keep texting after she stops trying, accept disrespect so you don’t look “insecure,” hang around “as a friend,” act cool when you’re not, and apologize for wanting basic effort.

The asshole doesn’t care if you think he’s “too much.” He’s fine being disliked by people who aren’t choosing him anyway.

You’re trying to be seen as a good guy. He’s trying to avoid wasting his time. That’s why he moves faster.

Your fix: stop being scared of looking “mean.” You’re not being mean. You’re just unavailable to nonsense.
Here’s the part you probably don’t want to hear:

The “asshole” wins because he’s willing to lose quickly.
You keep losing because you keep staying when the answer is already obvious.

Fix that, and things change fast. And once you do, you’ll start noticing the bigger issue underneath: who you keep picking, and what you keep tolerating.

If you want to fix this at the root — how you position yourself and how women read you — click here and send me a quick “Hi.” I’ll look at what you’re working with and tell you if we’re a match for personal coaching.