From Friendly to Wanted:
The Full Flirting Playbook

Let’s kill the lie you’ve been living under:

“If I’m polite, respectful, and we have a good conversation, it’ll naturally turn into something.”

Not really. That’s how you end up with a perfectly pleasant evening… and then a follow-up that reads like a customer service survey:

“Had such a nice time!”
Translation: you were fine. Like a beige couch.

Because polite is not the same as wanted.

Right now you’re running dates like a guided museum tour: “And on your left, my job. On your right, my hobbies.” You’re so careful you could be holding a tray of champagne flutes.

So here’s the insider playbook. Five moves. Not “lines.” Not a fake persona. Just stuff that actually changes how the night goes.
1) Stop acting like a host. Start acting like you’ve made a decision in your life before.

Host mode is when you’re trying to be un-f*ckwithable by being un-offendable. It’s polite, but it’s also… submissive.

Host mode sounds like:

  • “Whatever you want.”
  • “Where do you wanna go?”
  • “Is this okay?”
  • “Sorry—should we move?”
  • “Are you comfortable?” (every 6 minutes)
You think you’re being considerate. What she experiences is: this guy is asking for permission to breathe.

What to do instead: the 3 calls. Make three small decisions early. Not a speech. Just normal grown-man steering.

Examples:

  • “We’re sitting over there. Better spot.”
  • “One drink here, then we’re taking a short walk.”
  • “I’m ordering food. You can judge me if it’s trash.”
If she disagrees, you don’t sulk. You go:

  • “Fair. Pick it. But if it’s whack, I’m bringing it up forever.”
That little push-pull is the point. It’s not about control. It’s about not being a human doormat.
2) Tease her: challenge → smile → reward (or shut up and go home)

If you never tease, the date stays formal. If you roast, you’re an insecure comedian. The sweet spot is a tiny challenge that says “I see you,” with warmth.

The formula:
  • Challenge (small)
  • Smile
  • Reward
Steal these:

  • “That answer was very smart.” (smile) “You’re good.”
  • “You definitely get your way a lot.” (smile) “Respect.”
If she pushes back, do not turn into a lawyer defending your joke. You just go:

  • “Relax, I’m messing with you.” (grin)
Then keep it moving.

Rule: teasing dies when you explain it. If you have to explain it, it wasn’t flirting — it was a TED Talk.
3) Build a “you and me” frame instead of two résumés swapping facts

Friendly dates are two Wikipedia pages reading each other out loud:
Job. City. Travel. Gym. “I love sushi.” Cool. So does everyone. Congratulations.

The date gets good when the conversation becomes about what’s happening between you two right now, not your LinkedIn highlights.

Here are three easy ways to do that:

A) Call out the dynamic
  • “You’re playing it safe tonight.”
  • “You’re fun when you stop censoring yourself.”
B) Make it a two-person game
  • “Okay, quick game: two truths and a lie. I’m going first.”
  • “Give me your most controversial opinion. Don’t chicken out.”
C) Make it personal without getting weird
  • “What are you picky about in a way that makes no sense?”
  • “What are you like when you actually like someone?”
These aren’t therapy questions. They’re permission for the conversation to have teeth.

And if you’re shy, this helps because you’re not improvising. You’re just switching the track from “facts” to “us.”
4) Use touch like punctuation, not a strategy

Most guys do one of two dumb things:

  1. No touch ever (so the date stays formal like a business lunch)
  2. One big dramatic move (and now everyone’s uncomfortable)
You want the normal middle: quick, natural touch that matches the moment.

Punctuation. Not a paragraph.

Examples:
  • brief touch on the forearm when you laugh
  • light guiding touch on the upper arm moving through a crowd
  • quick tap when she says something bold
  • sitting a little closer once things are already flowing
Rules:

  • One second. Then stop.
  • Do it once. Then wait.
  • Watch what she does next. If she stays close or touches back later, cool. If she leans away, you give space and keep talking like a normal adult. No pouting. No apology tour.
If you treat touch like a “move,” you’ll look like you’re trying too hard. Don’t be that guy.
5) End the date like you expect a second one (not like you’re asking for a grade)

The classic “nice guy” ending is a slow leak of nervous energy:
  • lingering too long
  • over-thanking
  • recapping the whole night like it’s a podcast outro
  • fishing for reassurance
  • trying to go for a final kiss
Don’t do the performance review. Keep it clean and confident.

Do this:

  • Decide when it ends.
  • Say one direct line.
  • Leave.
Examples:
  • “That was fun. I'll call you tomorrow.”
  • “I like you. Let's plan something later this week.”
  • “Next time we’re doing something more interesting than dinner. I have an idea.”
Then you go. No hovering like a golden retriever waiting for praise.

Insider truth: the exit is the last impression. A clean exit says “I’m good either way,” which is a lot more appealing than “please like me.”
If you’re nervous, read this twice:

Flirting isn’t “being smooth.” It’s stopping yourself from sanding off every edge.
You don’t need a new personality. You need five repeatable behaviors that stop your date from feeling like a polite appointment.

Run these five. You’ll see the difference fast.